Giving a Boost to the Classics

According to the Oxford dictionaries, bumpf is defined as “written information, especially advertisements, official documents, forms, etc., that seem boring or unnecessary.” That certainly seems to be the case in Amazon Kindle’s store, where one can find the following “titles”:

• Casino Girl: A Totally Addictive Crime Thriller
• The Good Husband: A Totally Gripping and Heart-Pounding Thriller Novel for 2024
• The Orphan’s Homecoming: Experience the Heart-Wrenching Tale of Love and Loss in 20924 with This Gripping … [the rest is missing]
• A Guilty Secret: The New Twisty, Gripping Psychological Thriller About Friendship and Lies from the … [the rest is missing]

It seems that some of these titles just needed a little help. I think that Jeff Bezos could probably make more money by applying the same principle to literary classics:

• Romeo & Juliet: Hot Twisty Teenage Love Capped by a Double Suicide
• Finnegan’s Wake: A Commodious Vicus of Forbidden Love and Obscure Wordplay
• Pride & Prejudice: She Gave Herself to Her Lover and Somehow Maintained Her Purity
• Don Quixote: Why Was Dulcinea Shunted Off to the Sidelines?
• Moby Dick: The White Whale Took a Big Bite Out of His … [the rest is missing]

Let’s face it: People would read more if what we learned from Madison Avenue were put to good use.