What Does It Really Say?

Your Unfriendly Neighborhood Gun Freak

Your Unfriendly Neighborhood Gun Freak

Since we will soon be embroiled in a shouting match with the gun crazies of America, let’s see what the Second Amendment really says. The full text is as follows: “A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.”

Let me begin by saying that I literally think this is correct. (Many other quotes the gun lobby uses to support their arguments are notoriously bogus.)

My interpretation of the Second Amendment is simple: The people who have guns should constitute a “well regulated militia,” complete with uniforms and officers. My suggestion for the uniform would consist of neon colors with shooting targets covering the vital organs. Every 4th of July, we should celebrate this amendment by organizing the militia into circular firing squads and having them engage in target practice with live ammunition. For this purpose, they could use assault weapons if they wish.

There should be a special Medal of Honor struck for militia members who fall during this drill with a pink ribbon with a spent shell casing dangling from it.

If you should run into some gun nut, keep trying to pin him down on the whole “well regulated” concept, because I do believe that must NRA fanatics are seriously in need of heavy and binding regulation.