Saint LaVoy, Martyr

Robert “LaVoy” Finicum, When He Walked Among Men

Robert “LaVoy” Finicum, When He Walked Among Men

It is the ultimate goal of all armed U.S. militia members to die in a blaze of glory. Or, anyway, to die. They know they can’t win, that most Americans regard them as dildos. Now that Robert Finicum was shot while grabbing for his loaded pistol, he is being touted as a patriot, hero, and—dare I say it?—martyr. He is forever frozen in time now that he has had his moment.

He can never go back to his eleven children in Colorado City, Arizona.

Wait a minute! Colorado City, Arizona. Isn’t that the isolated town in Northwestern Arizona that is run by the FLDS, the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints? Isn’t that the town ruled by Warren Jeffs, its patriarch, now serving time in prison for child sexual assault?

Is the late LaVoy a polygamist? Eleven children, but how many wives? How was that association missed by the national press?

 

Wackadoodle Warriors

Ammon Bundy and His Motley Crüe

Ammon Bundy and His Motley Crüe

For several weeks now, we have been regaled with stories about the Men of Malheur (French for “unhappiness”) holed up with their leader, Ammon Bundy at an Oregon federal wildlife refuge. They are dressed in camouflage, armed to the teeth, and muy macho. The fact that  cynical Americans have been mailing them dildos and sexual lubricants suggests another view of these wackadoodle warriors.

All of them are equipped with copies of the U.S. Constitution. Considering their educational level, however, it might as well be Ludwig Wittgenstein’s Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus. I rather suspect that most are hoping to fall in a hail of bullets defending their beliefs, whatever they may be. Fortunately, the Feds are willing to pick them off one by one as the protest decays, which it gives every sign of doing. Eventually, it will all end up in court, with the defendants angry and confused as to why they are being picked on.

The Second Amendment of the Constitution states: “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.” The resemblance of these bozos to a “well regulated militia” is at best highly speculative.