Now These Self-Proclaimed Patriots Want To Secede?

I find all this talk of Right Wing Conservatives wanting to secede from the United States rather funny. What would a country of pasty-faced, beer-bellied angry white males in their fifties and sixties be like? For one thing, the GNP would be zero, unless spluttering outrage can be assume a monetary value. There would be no services to speak of. Let’s go down the list:

  • Military: These guys are just too old, sorry.
  • Healthcare: None. Ain’t that socialistic?
  • Fire and Police: Maybe some old-time police kinda like Andy Griffith. Firefighting is too strenuous for these gomers.
  • Foreign Policy: “We don’t hold with no furriners!”
  • Immigration: “Meet ’em at the border with a hail of bullets!”
  • Postal Service: “Nope, too much walking hurts my corns.”
  • Taxes: “We ain’t no Communists! So, nossir!”
  • Elections: “Whatever Rush, Sean, and Glenn say is jake with us.”

And so it goes. Maybe instead of seceding, they should just find another country that is more amenable to their way of life. Possibly North Korea or Somalia.