You’ve no doubt heard of a film called The Seven-Year Itch. Well, my life could be titled The Eighty-One Year Itch. There isn’t a part of my body which, at one time or another, been subject to intense itching. Right now, it’s my right leg below the knee, my back, and my “naughty bits.”

In the middle of last night, my right leg itched so hard that I had to sit up and scratch it. When I woke up, I found several trails of dried blood and some new little scabs. Whenever I scratch, the itching is always bound to get worse. Maybe it will occur hours later, even the better part of a day later, but it will certainly afflict me again.

My doctor said the itching on my leg is due to my Type 2 Diabetes, so I have to spread some salve on it. Unfortunately, it doesn’t help in the short run.

The back has always been itchy. At several strategic locations around my apartment, I have Chinese back scratchers. Alas, my broken collarbone has limited the reach of my right arm, so I have to enlist Martine to help me, which she usually does.

The only itch that I can stop dead within twenty minutes is my “naughty bits” itch. What works is an application of Triamcinalone Acetonide, also known as Kenalog, which is a prescription drug.

Perhaps the ultimate solution is that I shall have to shed all my skin like a snake.