What Would I Have Done Differently?

Our Embattled President

Our Embattled President

As we approach the end of the Obama presidency, a few thoughts are running through my mind, mostly along the lines of what I would have done differently. I am really not cut out to be a politician: From me. one is more likely to get a smoldering look along the lines of “What’s with you, f*ckwit?” than a glad hand.

The President has made an honest attempt to reach across the aisle to the Republicans and conduct his office for the benefit of all Americans. I would probably have been better known as the leader who invited the Republican leadership to the Oval Office, from which they mysteriously and unaccountably disappeared. Instead of playing golf with John Boehner and Mitch McConnell, I would have introduced those two traitorous obstructionists to a cat-’o-nine-tails and liberally (I use the adverb advisedly) slathered chile habañero onto their wounds. I would be like those ancient Roman leaders who urged certain opposition leaders to depart the political scene by opening their veins in a hot bath, lest they face something a whole lot worse.

Okay, so I’m not a nice guy, especially to people I perceive as having done me dirt. None of this turning the other cheek business. After all, these Evangelical tools don’t follow that rule, so why should I?

Barack Obama was probably too nice, too reasonable to be President. Within those constraints, I think he did a good job at a truly horrible time. Americans are being jerked around big time by a combination of Corporate Fat Cats and a few million Secessionists who just want to blow away anyone who looks at them cross-eyed or won’t let them marry their twelve-year-old cousins.

If Only This Were True!



ST. PETERSBURG (The Borowitz Report)—Hopes for a positive G20 summit crumbled today as President Obama blurted to Russia’s Vladimir Putin at a joint press appearance, “Everyone here thinks you’re a jackass.”

The press corps appeared stunned by the uncharacteristic outburst from Mr. Obama, who then unleashed a ten-minute tirade at the stone-faced Russian President.

“Look, I’m not just talking about Snowden and Syria,” Mr. Obama said. “What about Pussy Riot? What about your anti-gay laws? Total jackass moves, my friend.”

As Mr. Putin narrowed his eyes in frosty silence, Mr. Obama seemed to warm to his topic.

“If you think I’m the only one who feels this way, you’re kidding yourself,” Mr. Obama said, jabbing his finger in the direction of the Russian President’s face. “Ask Angela Merkel. Ask David Cameron. Ask the Turkish guy. Every last one of them thinks you’re a dick.”

Shortly after Mr. Obama’s volcanic performance, Mr. Putin released a terse official statement, reading, “I should be afraid of this skinny man? I wrestle bears.”

After one day of meetings, the G20 nations voted unanimously on a resolution that said maybe everyone should just go home.—The Borowitz Report

There Is No Bully Pulpit

It’s a Different World Now

It’s a Different World Now

I remember when H. Ross Perot was running for President on an independent ticket in 1992 and 1996, he used a phrase that was new to me: He said the Presidency was a “Bully Pulpit,” meaning it was a superior platform for advocating a political agenda. Perhaps, as late as the 1990s, that might have been true. But it is, alas, true no longer.

What has happened since then is the creation of the Great Republican Noise Machine, with its Faux News adjunct. The President can now be shouted down. He has been called a liar in a session of Congress—by a Congressman from South Carolina, no less; and he has been heckled at a press conference by a gay marriage advocate. Perhaps the podium at which the President stands is more useful these days for ducking brickbats than as a symbol of presidential power.

There is one slight problem with all this disrespect. It is not merely Barack Obama who is being treated contemptuously, but also the office of the President of the United States. Whoever inherits his mantle—be it Republican or Democrat—will now have to face the same barrage. What’s next? Will U.S. Senators start throwing shoes?

Just remember: What goes around, comes around. In spades!

This Is the Day

This Says It All About U.S. Elections

I was surprised, but at the same time gratified, to see about 150 people in line ahead of me when I showed up at 7:15 am—just a quarter of an hour after the polls opened—to cast my ballot. Needless to say, I voted against Mitt Romney and whatever issues and candidates the Koch Brothers and their nefarious ilk supported.

For me, the 2012 Election is over. I’ll check the Internet a few times this evening to see how things are going, looking anxiously over my shoulder to make sure there is no last-minute groundswell of support for Conservative candidates.

Tomorrow morning, I will know whether we will be relatively safe for the next four years under the mercurial “Bronco Bama” or whether I will have to join the disloyal opposition and bullyrag my Senators and Congressman into doing to the Romnesiac what Boehner and McConnell have been doing to Obama since he took office. And I’ll want to see birth certificates and baptismal certificates for Romney and his wife and dog: We don’t want no polygamite Messicans taking over our fair land.

You can probably guess that, if Romney should win, you will see me doing more blog entries in protest of what I can guess will be some pretty objectionable government policies. And I will certainly foment class warfare against Right Wing billionaires.

Frankly, I would just as soon write about some great literature I’ve read, neat places Martine and I have visited, and maybe some personal reminiscences of my past. If you haven’t voted yet, you can save me from becoming politically radicalized by voting Democratic wherever possible. You don’t want to do that, don’t you?

The above Cartoon is a classic from the New Yorker.


Mitt on Superstorm Sandy

I Think Now the Race Is Romney’s To Lose

I am beginning to feel better about the Presidential race. The thought of a President Mitt Romney is sufficient to cause my insides to curdle. But now, with Superstorm Sandy and Barack Obama showing just how presidential he could be, Romney might just be stranded in left field sucking on a mop.

Do you recall the race between Daddy Bush and Bill Clinton in 1992? George H. W. was accused of being too patrician for the White House. If he was too patrician, what about Mitt?

The following tweets from #MittStormTips #Sandy show more about Romney than he would like to have the public see. Read ’em and laugh:

  • If you haven’t already, move money from Cayman Islands to Swiss account.
  • People, this is why we only build houses on top of cliffs.
  • No generators at Home Depot. I have ordered Paul Ryan off the campaign trail to power my home with a stationary bike.
  • This is a time for bipartisanship, despite the President’s bungling of this preventable natural disaster.
  • Hurricanes are best spent overseas, visiting your money.
  • President Obama has not once referred to this storm as a hurricane. (This one is a bit more subtle: Think Libya and the Second Debate.)
  • Remember, the most important threat facing the east coast is and always will be Russia.
  • My thoughts and prayers go out to 53% of you.
  • What are you people complaining about? This wind is no stronger than one of my medium sized helicopter rotors!
  • Shucks, I hope FEMA isn’t the third agency Perry is getting rid of. (Think back to the GOP Primary debates.)

For more of the same, click here


Strange Reasoning for a Guy

First Lady Michelle Obama

This is going to sound like strange reasoning for a male of the species, but one of the main reasons why I want to see Barack Obama win a second term as President is my preference for Michelle Obama over Anne Romney.

Not that I have anything particular against Mrs. Romney, other than the fact that she is a blah corporate wife, but that Michelle Obama is nothing short of magnificent. If I were married to her, I certainly would not go canoodling with chubby interns. In fact, I would not mind if she were the President.

Listen to these words from her speech at the convention in Charlotte:

So today, when the challenges we face start to seem overwhelming – or even impossible – let us never forget that doing the impossible is the history of this nation…it’s who we are as Americans…it’s how this country was built.

And if our parents and grandparents could toil and struggle for us…if they could raise beams of steel to the sky, send a man to the moon, and connect the world with the touch of a button…then surely we can keep on sacrificing and building for our own kids and grandkids.

And if so many brave men and women could wear our country’s uniform and sacrifice their lives for our most fundamental rights…then surely we can do our part as citizens of this great democracy to exercise those rights…surely, we can get to the polls and make our voices heard on Election Day.

If farmers and blacksmiths could win independence from an empire…if immigrants could leave behind everything they knew for a better life on our shores…if women could be dragged to jail for seeking the vote…if a generation could defeat a depression, and define greatness for all time…if a young preacher could lift us to the mountaintop with his righteous dream…and if proud Americans can be who they are and boldly stand at the altar with who they love then surely, surely we can give everyone in this country a fair chance at that great American Dream.

Because in the end, more than anything else, that is the story of this country – the story of unwavering hope grounded in unyielding struggle.

Damn! She’s even a better speaker than Barack—and that’s saying a lot!

Compared to her, all the generations of Romneys are stumbling bozos (except maybe for George Romney, whom I respected far more than I do his son).